I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
