cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
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he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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