I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
