take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
