Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
