Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
