you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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