Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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