I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
