Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
