PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
