I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
