i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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