Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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