True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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