dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
