You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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