I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
