just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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