I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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