My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
