Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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