Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you didnt know i had herpes?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
