am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
