so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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