She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
