You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
