I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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