I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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