the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
