went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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