he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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