rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
