Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
