I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
