Please, let me fuck your mom
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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