she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
