I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just invented taco cereal.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
