So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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