Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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