Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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