I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
