Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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