maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
