Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
