My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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