Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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