What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
