Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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