So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
