we're blogging at a bar
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
