I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was not drunk enough for that final.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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