so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you had me at cake vodka
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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