how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
