Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
