I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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