i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You can't just leave with hair like that
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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