Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize