It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You took a bar mat shot.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
