Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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