Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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