the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
