We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
