I'm gonna have a badass scar
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
