god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
