before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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