what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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