Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This is classic penis vs brain.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
