so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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