you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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