How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
