do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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